Post by tivikat on Aug 15, 2010 19:53:07 GMT -5
So I remember seeing somewhere that a lot of therians experience depression. I have my own personal experience with the subject. I'm sharing as a cautionary tale because there are serious repercussions in not dealing with what you go through. I'm not going to write anything to gain pity or attention. It just breaks my heart that someone might be going through the exact same thing I experienced and they might not make it out alive. So....
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When I moved to RI, I was about 13 and I was already in the midst of puberty and on top of that, I had to adjust to a new setting. I did fine socially, I had a normal life. I made great friends, played sports, joined clubs and blended into my community. I think that point in my life was a huge catalyst for change.
Around that time and transitioning into high school, I started questioning everything about myself. Which is perfectly acceptable, it's the age in which you start to discover who you are. I was unsure of my spirituality, my sexuality, and even my reality. I questioned if I was even human or if I actually existed. At times, I felt like an outsider to humanity and that I just didn't belong. I deeply yearned for something else, but I wasn't really sure what it was exactly. I felt like parts of me were missing, lost and nothing seemed to make me feel like a whole person. I began to wonder whether or not, if I was hiding parts of myself FROM myself and that scared me.
Simultaneously I experienced seeing visions, unexplained lights, the feeling of being constantly watched, bizarre dreams. A few times, I felt like I was attacked in my dreams and then later in High School, I started dream shifting.
I think I had a hard time coping with reality. I didn't want to be a part of the world that as I grew older, I became more aware of its' dynamics and serious problems. And on the other hand, I was also terrified of the spiritual realm because of what I had experienced.
I felt empty. My engine was running on low. I didn't have anyone to talk to so I sought different ways of releasing my emotions. I would oversleep to escape. I would cut to feel better. I experimented with abusing my prescription drugs. It had gotten to the point in which, I chose not to be a part of any reality. In April 2004, I tried to end my life via drug overdose. I survived without any serious damage but I walked away from that situation knowing that I hit an all point low in my life.
From that point, I did begin to focus on finding answers, becoming myself, putting together the pieces and just trying to keep going. I do feel still feel that yearning to "go home" but I don't let that control me. I have plenty of years to figure it all out. We're in the here and now and we've all got something to attribute to this world.
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I know I'm not the only one with depression. Some one you may never deal with it. But for others, I think it becomes a particular problem when their perceptions of a normal reality are challenged with conflicting feelings. There is a certain stigma with being a depressed and with being therian and together, it's difficult and confusing. I don't think the topic is being well addressed and I hope this helps.
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When I moved to RI, I was about 13 and I was already in the midst of puberty and on top of that, I had to adjust to a new setting. I did fine socially, I had a normal life. I made great friends, played sports, joined clubs and blended into my community. I think that point in my life was a huge catalyst for change.
Around that time and transitioning into high school, I started questioning everything about myself. Which is perfectly acceptable, it's the age in which you start to discover who you are. I was unsure of my spirituality, my sexuality, and even my reality. I questioned if I was even human or if I actually existed. At times, I felt like an outsider to humanity and that I just didn't belong. I deeply yearned for something else, but I wasn't really sure what it was exactly. I felt like parts of me were missing, lost and nothing seemed to make me feel like a whole person. I began to wonder whether or not, if I was hiding parts of myself FROM myself and that scared me.
Simultaneously I experienced seeing visions, unexplained lights, the feeling of being constantly watched, bizarre dreams. A few times, I felt like I was attacked in my dreams and then later in High School, I started dream shifting.
I think I had a hard time coping with reality. I didn't want to be a part of the world that as I grew older, I became more aware of its' dynamics and serious problems. And on the other hand, I was also terrified of the spiritual realm because of what I had experienced.
I felt empty. My engine was running on low. I didn't have anyone to talk to so I sought different ways of releasing my emotions. I would oversleep to escape. I would cut to feel better. I experimented with abusing my prescription drugs. It had gotten to the point in which, I chose not to be a part of any reality. In April 2004, I tried to end my life via drug overdose. I survived without any serious damage but I walked away from that situation knowing that I hit an all point low in my life.
From that point, I did begin to focus on finding answers, becoming myself, putting together the pieces and just trying to keep going. I do feel still feel that yearning to "go home" but I don't let that control me. I have plenty of years to figure it all out. We're in the here and now and we've all got something to attribute to this world.
-----------------------------------
I know I'm not the only one with depression. Some one you may never deal with it. But for others, I think it becomes a particular problem when their perceptions of a normal reality are challenged with conflicting feelings. There is a certain stigma with being a depressed and with being therian and together, it's difficult and confusing. I don't think the topic is being well addressed and I hope this helps.
